What about the sorting hat?
by Randdy Butternubbs
Summary: So this is an idea that has been floating around my head for a while. What if the sorting hat was an actual person? this is what I think would be happening. Read and review if you please:)
1. Chapter 1

Everybody knows the Harry Potter story. I mean everybody. It kinda freaks me out how much they actually know about him. I have met the 'great' Harry Potter and lemme tell you, he ain't that great. He is a goody two shoes. He may have broken more rules in my handbook than any other child ever in Hogwarts. Well the Weasley twins are right behind him. I feel like I'm missing someone... Oh! The Marauders. The twins and them are pretty close.

**By now I sure that you must be wondering who the hell I am. Well I am the sorting hat! I never imagined being turned into a hat. I mean, being betrayed by my friends yes I can see that happening. I know that this seems a little out of the blue but have you ever wondered who actually built Hogwarts? Everybody immediately assumes that it was one of the founders who built it or all of them but that is a lie.**

I was the person who built it. I was the only person with enough power to build the wards. Now I know what you must be thinking, "But what about the last battle? the wards were destroyed by Voldemort." Well I was weak then and I'm sorry about that. As long as I am alive so are the wards but l was tied up and horribly abused then. I nearly died. Thank you for your concern.

But that's for later. The thing is, I was the architect, the leader, the guardian. Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff were the teachers. Gryffindor taught transfiguration, Ravenclaw charms, Hufflepuff taught home economics back when they thought that women were supposed to stay in the kitchen. And then there's was actually the best dark arts teacher I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Now I bet that a lot of you might think that he was a racist bastard and I totally see your point. But he was my friend. They all were. I helped Salazar and he helped me.

I was in a bit of a pickle when I was younger. My sister and I were having a family dilemma of sorts. Apparently sleeping with her husband was a big 'no no'. I just couldn't help it. He was really attractive and Sarah pissed me off. Let me explain. In my family there was me, the oldest. Sarah, the annoying one. And Ian, the little lamb that followed Sarah around. I was fine with it to be honest. Mother and father always liked Sarah better because she followed all the rules and got married young and gave them grandchildren. I on the other hand went off exploring and trying new things out and sleeping with lots of men and women. Sarah said that she was always jealous of me because I was able to get out of the mold that mother and father had.

Well... I certainly was not expecting that in the least. First off: because she always tattled on me, and second off: she enjoyed it!

That little bitch had me stuck to a pole about to be burned to the ground! Jealous my ass. Anyway, that's how I met Sal and Godric. It wasn't very fun being a witch back then. Especially one as 'powerful' as me. I just think that God wanted to see someone suffer and decided that I would do well in that job.

So that's how I met Sal and Godric, after which they introduced me to their friends Rowena and Helga. I was flattered. They were talking about how they wanted to make a school for little magical children and i hooked them up. I build them a castle, I made the wards, and I got all the magical things they needed to teach with. Suddenly they start fighting over which kid goes to which house. Naturally they have the person running the castle do it. So what I did was go in the kids mind and then see what house they should go in.

The hat thing, well, that was kinda out of my control. One day I'm eating a sandwich by the fire, and then next moment I'm a freaking hat! He said that with Sal gone he didn't know if he could trust me so he left me to be a hat and run the school.

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**Thanks for reading:) If you liked it you can give me a review and/or pm me. I will be most likely ignoring flames and I will take some ideas to add to the story:D thanks again! i hope that this is original.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter numero dos:

**Hello to all my visitors! First off I was terribly busy with school and all that good stuff. Sorry, my bad. Here we go...**

Being a hat is not as bad as I originally thought. I got treated with respect, I got to practice my singing, and best of all people actually listened to me. I get to sit in old Dippets office was fun enough. Although he does talk a lot, to me especially. He likes to talk to the transfiguration teacher Dumbledore almost as much as me. I don't really like Dumbledore that much to be honest. I was in his head and there was a lot of shady stuff in there for and eleven year old.

Oh well, he is decent enough. Lots of power and ambition, but he cares. He will be a great headmaster someday. Actually-

The students have arrived!

Oh I do hope I look presentable and not quite as dusty! I swear it's like Dippet doesn't even care that I'm dusty. The headmaster before him was quite the clean freak and he keep me clean!

_We're off to see the students! The wonderful students of Hogwarts!_

Woah there Dumbles watch the hand, I am lady you know. Doesn't matter if I am hat form, a lady is a lady.

Ah here we are that students! Hello my children!

No song with Dippet. Not this year anyway he keeped me far too busy to actually write something. Alright sorting...

Wow those are some pretty impressive shields you got there. Want to let me in?

_Do I have to?_

Do you want to be sorted?

_Yes..._

Well then let me see inside your head. You can be be in any house you want! So long as you fit in well there

_Alright you can see_

Woah... You are a parseltongue?

_A what?_

A parseltongue is a person who can talk to snakes. An example: Salazar Slytherin.

_oh...why can I talk to snakes?_

Genetics mostly. Also you quite fluent for someone so young. How?

_Do I have to tell you?_

No, but it would be nice. You are the smartest kid so far. But you belong in Slytherin. Heres the thing tomorrow during your potions class have your teacher show you where the headmaster's office is. I like you...

_I like you too. And I will. _

Alright good luck! And remember to have fun here at Hogwarts, I know I did.

_I will. You can call me Tom by the way._

Good luck Tom and have fun in Slytherin!


End file.
